Ein Nachbar pflastert seinen Hof; die fertigen Flächen sehen wunderbar aus. Da er gerade eine Augenentzündung hat, fällt es ihm schwerer als sonst: Die Steine hätten `oben´ und `unten´, sagt er. Ich sehe keinen Unterschied. „Da muss man aber sehr genau hinschauen“, beruhige ich ihn. Er nickt und meint, seine Frau würde genau das tun. Wie wär´s mit einer Sonnenbrille für seine Frau? Das sei keine gute Idee, sagt er kopfschüttelnd, lieber mache er es so, wie sie es will: „Happy wife – happy life!“ Spontan lächele ich – und frage mich im selben Moment, inwiefern es meinem Mann genauso geht wie meinem Nachbarn …
What my life is about
There is a saying that you should only worry about the things you can change, be relaxed about the things you can’t change, and have the wisdom to distinguish one from the other. So I think it could be smart to stop worrying too much about all the Corona politics and decisions. Some of them will happen anyway, some of them won’t. Most of us will just have to live with them – on the grand scale. What we do in our households, whom we meet, how we talk about it, what we believe and whether we respond with anger, fear, insecurity, or worry: this is still our choice.
I have decided that I won’t try to convince people of `my truth´. If they opt for a vaccination – well. If they wear their masks happily – well. I don’t intend to be aggressive or anything. Sometimes I even refuse to talk about it at all. And especially I am trying not to think about it all the time! A friend of mine is fighting breast cancer, my sister has had to work every day without a break for months on end (because her co-worker is dying of cancer), my oldest kid has just finished school (and wonderfully so) and will leave home soon … I have other things to think about, to pray for, to deal with. Good ones, sad ones, happy ones: THIS is what my life is about, not any virus.
(I know all this in my head – unfortunately this is sometimes different from what I `know´ in my heart.)
My life and my writing
I need my life to be able to write about it. My life needs time – as does my writing. Sometimes there is a conflict of interests in my heart: „doing life“ or writing about it. Both aspects are important to me even when they sometimes are mutually exclusive. Both fight for my attention. They belong to me like compulsary test and freestyle belong to a figure skater´s competition.
The doing has so much routine in it – everybody could do it as well as me. It ist never done, the repetition is always predictable, often tedious and rather tiring – compulsary test.
The writing seems to be more fulfilling to me, more tailored to my interests, talents and abilities. It seems to be more the activity where I can be (and become) myself the most. It´s stimulating – freestyle.
I tend to value the writing higher, but most of the time I still give priority to doing – out of the need to keep life going. In doing my stuff I enable myself to write about it. I am grateful that God takes care of keeping me content while doing life and keeping me grounded while writing.